The Night Raz and I Were Heisenberg

It's not often you get to use a Breaking Bad metaphor to describe your wedding, so I'm about to take FULL advantage. You may know that I haven't had as much fun planning this thing as I had hoped. My wedding planner has been a NIGHTMARE, Carol and I have sparred with our respective mom/bridezilla moments, vendor herding gave me a two-week eye twitch (seriously) and my repressed perfectionism complex has flared into many straight up anal retentive meltdowns.

Money flying everywhere. Questions in my face. Not enough time! I'm easily overwhelmed as it is. A wedding is a whole other level of whelmed. "I know you can be underwhelmed and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?" "I think you can in Europe." Name the movie!

When Us Weekly asked Miranda Kerr if giving birth was beautiful, unlike all the celebs before and after her, she said, "No, it was awful. I felt like I was being ripped in half and that I was going to die." Melodramz aside, that's often how I've felt. It's been a big test for me, one that often leaves me angry, tantrumming, drinking and/or twitching. Poor Raz.

But all of that has brought us to this moment. The CRAFTS. Maybe I'm a masochist, but I must hold the reigns, even when it comes to the wedding papers. I couldn't resign myself to ordering something pre-made. I had to conceptualize it. I had to own it. I had to be able to say, "Thanks! We designed it ourselves." So, I hired my cousin Donald, a graphic designer, to help us with the save the dates and invites. I've always wanted a reason to have a wax seal, so once we finalized all the invitation suite elements with Donald, I had my wax seal stamp ready to go. We got this one, but I also like this and this.

I put down some newspaper and got our wax all ready to get melty and smooshed.

How cute is this heart-shaped wax? I ordered 100 of these little gold hearts from the same guy who did the stamp. I also ordered sticks of wax to compare (the chunks from the sticks were thicker so they melted more slowly, which can go either way on the good vs. bad spectrum when you're stamping). Obviously, I prefer the hearts because they're just.so.cute.

Once it was time to get turnt up, we used an old Ikea teaspoon and a BBQ lighter. Probably not the best decision because the metal wasn't exactly hugely heat resistant, but sometimes you gotta get scrappy. Next time, I'll order this. We kept thinking we'd set off the smoke alarm, but thankfully that didn't happen. And no one called the cops on us for looking like a couple of meth heads.

As Raz melted wax, I sat with the stamp ready. Kinda like I do with my spoon while I wait for him to hand over the ice cream. You can read more about how I feel about ice cream here.

Check out the finished product! I love little details like this and was so excited to FINALLY be done with invites. The post office was full of a bunch of assholes who didn't appreciate it nearly as much as I did, but I hear the invites are getting delivered just fine, so the angry post office people can go kick rocks.

Pretty invitations all in a row. Prima has been in HEAVEN with all these presents and projects going on. Yes, that is a cat toy suction cupped to the fireplace behind her.

So there they are - my pretty little invitation victory seals. They make me happier than they probably should, but I'm so glad my laser focus on tiny little details worked out. Most people probably won't notice them, but they prove I can quite literally put my stamp on something special and send it off to our guests with a whole lot of creative love.

Plus, Raz and I got to feel like real like Heisenbergs without the potential felony charges. There's always that.